NB, I am completing this at Windhoek airport on my way back to Luanda. 27/03/2008.

Well well, I had one hell of an interesting trip home that’s for sure. I landed up next to 2 completely entertaining individuals on each flight. The first from Luanda to Windhoek, and the second from Windhoek to Cape Town.  A very Nervous Angolan Poppie on the first leg, and a Raging Alcoholic Irishman, who could drink even more than Ash, on the second!! 🙂

The Tarmac at Luanda International – Departing

So firstly I arrived at the airport early. You never quite know with traffic in Luanda. Philip had told me a story just the day before where it had taken him 2 hours to travel about 800m to the entrance of the airport from the circle, to collect his wife a few weeks earlier. I was planning to leave home at about 10h15, but by the time we left it was closer to about 10h45. I was busy sorting out bills and money at home, and got delayed. We did however make it in record time, and I was there around 11h15. Incredible really. I called Kamilo, our protocol guy, and he told me that it only opens at 12h, so he’ll only be there then. I sent Oscar home and I waited outside in the sun. A queue had started to form at about 11h30 inside, and I was watching it to see how it worked. The process is a bit different to home. You actually wait in a queue outside the check-in area, then they allow you through when it’s open. My flight was at 14h, and by 13h Kamilo had still not arrived. I was starting to get worried as I had never been through the whole process before, and didn’t know what was required. Well, he eventually arrived at about 13h15, and I was doing my head in. He was “just arriving” when I called him at 12h, and he travels by motorbike, so I don’t think he had even left his offices then, and then he had the nerve to tell me that traffic was bad. Well, I told him it was unacceptable. He knows better than anybody what the traffic is like.

Anyway, I was the second last person in the queue and there were a few people waiting for standby, so Kamilo, you are a very lucky man I got on, as the prospect of spending the weekend in Luanda was not too enticing. I guess you could say I was now in home mode, and I suppose I just wanted to get home. I guess airports the world over have a habit of doing that to people. So I checked in, without Kamilo, as he is not allowed to be at the desk as he isn’t flying, and everything was cool, and then Kamilo walked me to passport control, where they ladies first check your passport then allow you through to the actual border control. In this case Kamilo did nothing as everything was in order. So basically I waited over an hour for the muppet, only to have him “hold my hand” and walk me from check-in to passport check and then that was it. Well, I’ll have to think twice in future about using protocol services to be honest with you. For departure that is. I think that arrivals is still a very different matter.

Anyway, the departure hall is crap, and the aircons leak all over the place, so you really have to watch yourself. There is a bar or 2 upstairs, and a nice set of couches outside the business class lounge. There is also free wireless if you know how! 🙂 Our flight was then delayed by over 30 minutes, which was not surprising apparently. There is no calling/PA system, or boards telling you when the flight is, and there are only 2 gates, with no signage, so you pretty much have to just hang around and then take pot luck with what other people are doing. The best is when you ask the officials what is happening with the flight as it is now 5 minutes past departure time and you are still hanging around, and they say:

“Yes, just sit”. Great, well that helps loads!

So, I got on the flight and managed to get a window seat which was great as I was pretty tired. The chick who sat next to me was literally what I can imagine an Amazonian Woman to look like. She was very tall – my height – well dressed, quite chick, not bad figure, but a big large on the thighs and buttocks, but otherwise very good for an Angolan specimen! 🙂 She was however incredibly nervous as I found out when we took off. The next thing I suddenly had my right hand grabbed and squeezed the crap out of. She was seriously frightened, when the plane banked, it was just too much. Her hand moved from mine to my leg.

“Hey, Hey, this is pretty sweet. A good way to come onto people”, I thought.

But, when she dug her nails into my right leg, well, that was the end of the foreplay session for me. Man that was it. Every little bump/jolt she would cry out and grab my hand, or my leg. At one stage she almost straddled the seat to get on top of me. It was particularly entertaining. The lady on her right was quite amused too. A glance at her arrival form belied her age to be 22. Hmm, well, she is pretty big for 22, and obviously doesn’t get around much. Once we landed she was escorted off by some Namibian Official who had the dirtiest look in his eyes I had ever seen, so I guess she might be some Ministers Daughter, or maybe Mistress. Anyway, that was leg one!

a) Thunderclouds over Windhoek b) Sunset Windhoek to Cape Town

At Windhoek, upon reboarding the same plane, I was seated between an Insurance Broker Manager, and a Journalist. Well, Colman the Journalist was Irish, and was completely crazy. About half-way through the flight my iPod died a miserable death due to lack of charging, and considering it is an old iPod Photo 60 Gig, Generation 4, I think that the 6 or so hours it had already given weren’t bad. I then was reduced to talking to my fellow passengers,and man what a laugh. Colman is an editor of Rock Magazines, or so he claims, and between the 2 of us, we had the entire 4 rows around us in stitches. I thought I could talk shit when required, but this boytjie, man, he put me to shame! We had a rip roaring chat with loads of banter, and by the time we got off all the passengers around us were smirking and laughing out loud. The Insurance Manager wanted to know when he was flying again, as she hadn’t been that entertained on a flight ever. We made really good time getting to Cape Town, and when I found out that my lift, mommy, had not yet arrived Colman suggested we grab another drink at the News Cafe. I thought why the hell not. I literally got my luggage within the first 10 bags, which was great, and once clearing customs with no issues, we grabbed another round of doubles! 🙂 My lift arrived shortly and I left him to yet another round.

Once getting home I headed straight out to Oblivion, to meet up with Dave, and Nic who pulled through too.

That was the beginning of my 13 days back . . . but that is another story to follow! 😉

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Nunnsby

Easy Going Guy 😉